Having been on hiatus for a significant length of time, I am ready to try to get back to my love.
Writing.

I don't even know how I got here. So I hope I can easily return next time I turn on my computer.

I still have no idea, sitting here, just like always before, what to write about. Yet, I am ready to at least begin thinking about it and see where we go.

So, here we are, at a major fork in the road. A fork I have been waiting to deal with for a long time. A fork I have been looking forward to reaching. Going up the road of choice, not level, but perhaps a bit of incline involved, instead of the easy looking slide - downhill. The vistas are so much more beautiful, promising, soul satisfying on the upward incline.

Here. we. go. . .

Just a few Questions

Just a few questions please. I've recently become 'unconverted'. I'm settled on that. But I find myself wondering how it took so long. Some of these questions have been floating around for a very long time. Some are either new, or have finally crawled out of the closet where they had been safely stashed away.

For starters, I'm really trying to comprehend the 'beginning' story. Did God create everything? EVERYTHING? I may have to go back and read some of that stuff again, because if God created everything, including the angels, and nothing went wrong until Eve ate of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil, and did so because the serpent beguiled her, then I have to ask, how could the serpent have been so evil as to beguile her if everything was perfect? At that point, it would seem that even the serpent 'was good', if 'everything was good'. And if everything was perfect, why was there a tree in the middle of this garden that obviously WASN'T perfect. Why would there be a tree of knowledge of good ... and EVIL? What kind of god puts his precious creation, his children, in a garden, in a perfect world, (that isn't really perfect then is it?), and leaves them to eat poison which he knows full well will then kill them! Having declared, by the way, that everything he created was good. And while I don't recall it stating that he didn't create that particular tree, I have to back up even further to the fact that there were angels already existing, apparently, and one of those angels, was already evil. Now, is this angel, the one who was 'fallen', the one who was evil, was he also then, created by this same god? Does this god consistently create things that 'go bad'? Or was there already another 'god' who was evil? What's going on up there in heaven, where most of the angels praise god, but one of them, 'went bad'? Something is wrong with this story!

Beginnings and Endings

Writing my thoughts, feelings, ideas, hopes and dreams is my attempt to 'be like water'. (Thank you Bruce Lee.) Water must flow to remain clear and healthy. So also must one's thoughts.

I think there is nothing more crippling than the stifling of someone's thoughts, questions, feelings, ideas, hopes, dreams. Such is the prison from which I have escaped. Freedom can have many meanings to many people. For me, freedom to think, and to be who I AM, is the greatest freedom of all. It is also just a little intimidating to experience this freedom for the first time. Everything is subject to re-evaluation, and lo, and behold, everything can be re-evaluated as often as desired.

Thus, I am beginning the process of opening doors and looking around. I find that much of what I have been taught was little more than someone else's idea of reality. Someone else's foundation for control. No, I'm not talking about a conspiracy theory. I'm talking about the human need to control our environment in order to feel safe. This is not necessarily a bad thing. It's quite reasonable to want to feel safe and to attempt to ensure this safety, not only for oneself, but also for those we love. However, I have learned that building walls to shut out the world and/or everyone who thinks differently, is more effective as a prison than as a protection. We don't need to control everyone else. We need only to control our own choices and responses.

I am learning to walk about without walls. I am finding that many things I once thought I believed make no sense. I am feeling free to breathe the fresh air. And it is a good feeling.